The 2013 Pointless F1 awards!

1 Dec

So, in association with the #FakeF1 party today, me and Tom decided to do some awards. The awards are pointless, but still awards.

1. Season High point– Mark Webber scoring a podium in his final ever race in F1. How touching.

2. Season Low Point– Multi-21. Darn you Seb!!!

3. Biggest surprise of the year- Just how bad Max Chilton actually was. I mean, he was shocking.

4. Shock of the Year- Ross Brawn leaving Mercedes. I mean, the guy has been there forever, WHY CAN’T YOU STAY!

5. Epicest lol of the year- Mark Webber falling over on the podium. What a way to go out

6. F1 driver we’d most like to see on ‘I’m a Celebrity’- Lewis Hamilton would be hilarious. He’d probably go on about how cool he is the whole time then get freaked out by a spider. Mark Weeber would be a decent shout too.

7. Greatest Team on Twitter- Lotus (It had to be them didn’t it?). Special mention to Caterham and Force India too, especially when all three start tweeting each other

8. Most Controversial moment- Kimi taking ‘necessary surgery’ because he’s not being paid. Or because he actually needed it. I can’t decide

9. Biggest Waste of Space award- Bahrain International circuit. Quite possibly the most boring race ever to enter the calendar.

10. Biggest fail of a comeback- Heikki Kovalainen, because, well, it was awful. #TeamHeikki

11. LAD award for most epic driver moment of the season- Mark Webber, for taking more than a sneak peak at Jessica Michibata’s behind in Belgium, and then Tweeting Jenson about it! 
Image

12. Team that promised so much, yet delivered so little- Mclaren, because 5th really isn’t where ‘The best car we’ve ever built’ should be ending up, is it Jenson?

13. Best Team Principal award- Christian Horner. Down to earth, and a nice guy. 57.8x the man Helmet Marko will ever be.

14. Worst team Principal award- Martin Whitmarsh, because he had the audacity to try and defend the pathetic excuse of a Mclaren this season

15. Funniest Track incident- JuBi’s car having a mind of it’s own and rolling backwards down the hill in Germany, because that was pretty damn funny. And frightening. 

16. FIA award for most useless stewards’ decision of the year- Giving Felipe Massa a penalty in Brazil. I mean, he really didn’t gain any advantage by crossing the white lines, did he? Give the guy a break.

17. Best Photo of the year- Alonso’s selfie in Italy. Brilliant

18. Most clueless man not involved in F1 award- http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01mgg1g Listen to it, you’ll see what I mean.

19. Telmex award for most useless Mexican of the year- Esteban Gutierrez, because he really was useless.

20. Most useless driver with his tyres- Lewis Hamilton. And then, once he’s destroyed them, he just sits there and complains.

21. Best outburst- Pastor Maldonado claiming Williams sabotaged his car. In your dreams mate.

22. Best Moment at the British GP concert- Few for this one:
Eddie Jordan getting drunk and suggesting DC and Suzi Perry were ‘Getting it on’
Sebastian Vettel playing the drums and then asking everybody to boo him so he could film it on his phone.

23. Pirelli Award for most useless tyre- Full wets. Whenever we needed them, they pulled out a red flag!

24. The ‘One man and his dog’ award- Lewis Hamilton and Roscoe. I literally created this award specifically for them.

25. Fittest WAG award- This was by far the hardest award to decide. After many hours of ‘innocently’ looking through pictures to try and find our favourite, we ended up disagreeing, and so we have two winners:
Tom went for Pastor Maldonado;s girlfriend Gabriella Tarkanay (His choice)
I, on the other hand, went for Valtteri Bottas’ girlfriend Emilia Pikkarainen. I have a thing for Scandanvians. Don’t tell anyone.

So, here ends the first ever ‘Pointless F1 awards’, and you know what? They were pointless.

-Chris

 

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