Luis Suarez Likes Biting People

26 Jun

As everyone on planet Earth, Mars, Jupiter, The Outer Systems, Coruscant and even Kepler 22b have heard, the world’s favourite cannibal, Luis Suarez, has been at it again, this time deciding to take a nibble out of Italy’s defender Giorgio Chiellini. Unfortunately for Chiellini, it hurt. Unfrotunately for Suarez, he didn’t get to finish his meal.

You can see where this is going.

In terms of punishment, FIFA (Who have less of a backbone than a sea slug) decided to give him a 4 month total ban from football, which can include anything from turning up to a stadium, having a kick about in his garden (If he has a garden) or even playing FIFA 14 on his massive TV, plus a 9 game international match suspension and having to pay an insignificant amount of money which for some reason they decided should be paid in Swiss Francs. Weirdos.

Personally I would have given a much harsher punishment. Lifetime International ban, 6 months total ban with 3 months unpaid would be a good start, but then i’d probably also throw in another set of punishments, such as a weekly arctic assault course, being forced to be hit by paintballs at close range whilst searing nothing but his socks and being thrown into a tank of piranhas to see how he likes becoming human fish food.

Something tells me FIFA aren’t going to listen to my suggestions, no matter how much I harass them.

As for what else i’ve been doing today, it’s mainly consisted of getting angry at my Xbox and trying not to hit everything in sight whilst I drive aimlessly through Staple Hill.

I’ll leave you with this picture of Arsene Wenger on a Brazilian beach with a rather nice looking woman who has a strange yet alluring tattoo on her leg. Lucky sod.



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