THE BIG EVENT! (2014 Formula 1 Season Ratings)

20 Nov

Because it is season end time in Formula One, that means that it is time to do the annual ratings, which will be great fun because I get to be sarcastic and get complete control over where everyone goes. Yay.

Unfortunately, i’m extraordinarily tired at the moment, plus I have like 3 exams tomorrow, and i’m being fueled on a combination of Haribo and very funny Youtube videos by someone i’m not going to name because I don’t want everyone knowing i’ve spent all my free time today (When i’m not revising, eating or complaining to my flatmates) watching their Youtube videos.

Dammit.

Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling on. Let’s get down to business shall we? For purposes of keeping the best ’til last, the ratings shall be done in reverse order! I can already hear you all cheering in delight.

23) Marcus Ericsson (Caterham)- 2/10

Well, I guess someone has to come last. Unfortunately on this occasion it just so happens to be the super Swede (Sorry Katy). I have to say I haven’t been the most impressed with him over the season, although in the past few races he has managed to get this ass into gear and put in some decent performances.

And the best part is that he has a drive next year, so that gives him the chance to prove me wrong. I mean, Pastor managed to shake off being the worst performer from last season (Actually I think it was Heikki Kovalainen who I gave -2, but he doesn’t really count)

22) Adrian Sutil (Sauber)- 3/10

Maybe I should have just put Sutil last? He’s hardly been impressive either, especially for someone who needed to prove that he deserved to stay within Formula 1.

Yeah, fair enough he’s been outclassing Esteban Gutierrez for pretty much the entirety of the season, but really that’s something that he should be doing anyway, regardless. As bad as Sauber have been this season, he should really still be scoring points. At least 1. Is that too much to ask?

21) Esteban Gutierrez (Sauber)- 4/10

I think, in one of the few blog posts I made before the season started, I said that Sauber were going to struggle- not necessarily because of the car, but because of the drivers.

Well for once it looks like I was right! I’m never right. We must have stepped into a parallel universe or something.

I dont’ really need to say much else, most of what was said to Sutil applies, although Guti is higher because he was slightly better at not being as bad compared to Sutil as he should have been, if that makes sense.

It doesn’t make sense, does it?

20) Max Chilton (Marussia)- 5/10

Well, at least he’s not last all the time this season. That makes him slightly less shit than he was last time I wrote an end of season analysis.

In all fairness though, it has been a step up from last season. The performances have been better, the qualifying has been better. It was always going to be difficult to recover from his form last season, but he’s made a half decent account of himself, albeit in the slightly-faster-than-Caterham-on-some-occasions Marussia.

And he’s still 2nd last in the Championship.

19) Pastor Maldonado (Lotus)- 5.5/10

Well isn’t this a surprise eh? The fact Lotus are my 2nd favourite team has nothing to do with this.

I mean, let’s list off the variables:
+He has 2 points this season, in a car that isn’t really much better than the Sauber. That’s more points than last season anyway.
+He hasn’t killed anyone
+In his worst non-retirement finish of the season, he still managed to finish ahead of Marcus Ericsson.
– May have kinda rolled Esteban Gutierrez in Bahrain
-Rather expensive in terms of how many replacement parts you need for him
+Has that $$$$$$
-It took him until Austin to score. Even then there were only 18 cars on the grid. Lightweight.

So yeah, 19th seems reasonable.

18) Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari)- 5.5/10

I think 5.5 may be a bit generous actually, but I couldn’t face putting him below Maldonado because then things would just start getting weird.

I mean, the Ferrari hasn’t been great this season granted. Infact it’s been awful. That’s not an excuse.

Fernando Alonso is 5th. Kimi Räikkönen is 11th.

Get your act together man. At least he’s been consistent I guess- he has been scoring points on regular occasions, it’s just they’re never the greatest points haul you’re ever going to see. And he has no enthusiasm for the sport either, even for him, and that’s just no fun at all.

17) Daniil Kvyat (Toro Rosso)- 6/10

The golden boy, on the way up, having been given a drive by Red Bull and everything…

He has 8 points. That’s the same as Romain Grosjean.

I mean, he hasn’t be terrible by any means, especially as it’s his forst season in F1 after stepping up from GP3, but 8 points isn’t an impressive haul at all. His highest finishing position this season has been 9th.

Even Maldonado managed that.

16) Heikki Kovalainen (Uh, Nobody)- lolwat/10

Heikki lotus

 

I love Heikki Kovalainen. Deal with it.

15) Jules Bianchi (Marussia)- 7/10

The first of the ‘above average’ drivers (15/22 drivers are above average…. Yeah….). Now, obviously, we all know the situation with Jules, and for once in my life I will try to be sensitive.

I think, personally, that a 7 is a good score- he performed well (Better than Chilton by any means), scored Marussia’s first ever points in a hectic Monaco and is currently out-placing both Sauber drivers in the championship- and that’s no mean feat.

But, alas, 5 drivers scored a rating of 7, and one of them has to come last. We’re getting into the business end now.

14) Sergio Perez (Force India)- 7/10

Now I even surprised myself with this one, because I don’t actually like Sergio that much, the arrogant, hypocritical, reckless Mexican that he is, but he hasn’t actually done that bad this season. I mean, he could have done better, hence why he’s only 14th, but scoring a podium and being only 6 points behind a Ferrari in the Championship isn’t really that bad.

Although, that said, he did punt Adrian Sutil out of the USGP for no good reason, so that sucks.

13) Kevin Magnussen (McLaren)- 7/10

Today is a new day! (I wrote the previous set of people at near enough 1am last night, don’t judge). And with it comes unlucky 13 in our ratings, McLaren’s Kevin Magnussen.

I’m almost sad to put him thins far down. It all started so well with 2nd in Australia, but since then it’s all been a bit meh from the young Dane. Out-placing teammate Jenson Button in just 3 races (When DNF finishes aren’t taken into account), it really hasn’t been the debut season K-Mag would have hoped for, especially as Button has twice the number of points he has. I know he’s a rookie, and by all means he has been consistent and driven well over large parts of the season.

But he just hasn’t driven well enough.

12) Kamui Kobayashi (Caterham)- 7/10

Sticking to the mob of 7/10 drivers, next on the list is Kamikaze bandit Kamui Kobayashi, who has taken this year’s Caterham and literally driven the wheels, and every other part of the car for that matter, off of it. Despite sitting last in the Driver’s championship (And you all know what I think of how they structure those who have 0 points), KK has really been the better of the Caterham drivers. I mean, out of all the races (DNF not included), Kobayashi has only been out-placed twice by his teammate. One of those was Monaco, where he was running near the points until he got ungracefully barged past. *Narrows eyes*

11) Romain Grosjean (Lotus)- 7/10

So we have reached the last of the 7/10 brigade! And highest on that list, and just missing out on the top 10, is French-Swiss-Frenchman Romain Grosjean, who has scored 80% of his team’s points this season, the second highest percentage on the grid (Behind Marussia, who have Jules Bianchi on 100%). I mean, yeah, his teammate was Pastor Maldonado, but then Adrian Sutil’s teammate was Esteban Gutierrez and he’s still scored fuck all.

In a Lotus that has been pretty terrible, RoGro has managed to get it into 8th on 2 occasions, and almost scored points again in the US, but his steering column decided it didn’t want to work properly. I’m sure being driven into didn’t help with that either.

He also has the same number of points as Daniil Kvyat, who’ll be driving a Red Bull next year. Work that one out.

10) Jean-Eric Vergne (Toro Rosso)- 7.5/10

THE TOP 10 IS HERE!

And we start with Jean-Eric Vergne, who for some reason finds himself uncertain as to whether he will have a seat next year, whilst his teammate gets a promotion into the parent team at the front of the grid, despite the fact JEV has scored 14 more points, plus scored a 6th place in Singapore, something Kvyat can’t even come close to claiming. Vergne was probably fairly unlucky to not get into Red Bull last season, so to be overlooked again is really quite harsh.

He deserves better than that.

9) Felipe Massa (Williams)- 7.5/10

Williams have shown a rel improvement this season, going from backmarker to real frontrunner- and to help with the charge, former Ferrari yes man Felipe Massa was brought in, but unfortunately this season hasn’t gone exactly according to plan, a combination of really bad luck and a few other questionable bad moments have left Fellipe 8th in the standings, whilst teammate Valtteri Bottas, in just his 2nd season in F1, is currently 58 points ahead of him in 6th.

It’s not that Felipe doesn’t have the talent, because there’s plenty of it there- podiums in Italy and home race Brazil can account for that. He just doesn’t have the luck on his side. Nevertheless, it has been a solid season considering it’s his first at Williams, and I have total faith that he can go better, car pending, next season

8) Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)- 7.5/10

Much like Felipe, Vettel hasn’t had the best of seasons in comparison to his teammmate- Seb sits 54 points behind teammate Daniel Ricciardo, but, unlike Felipe, Sebby has made the best of a bad situation:
>He doesn’t like the car
>The car doesn’t like
>He has a super competitive teammate beating him left, right and centre
>He’s got his big bright future at Ferrari to worry about
Yet he’s still 4th in the Championship, having attained 4 podiums, and having scored in every race that he’s finished.

Now that’s not bad at all.

7) Nico Hülkenberg (Force India)- 8/10

I think it’s fair to say Force India have been impressive this season. Even though the usual tail off towards the end of the season is still here, it’s happened a lot later than usual and as such has allowed Nico to shine, as he usually does anyway. 9th in the Championship is no mean feat, and along the way he even managed a run of 10 consecutive points finishes from Australia to Germany, and has only not scored on 4 occasions.

He’s been consistently faster than teammate Sergio Perez, not that it’s much of a surprise to anyone, and has really dragged Force India into the fight for 5th with McLaren, a team with significantly more money and resources.

Well in Nico.

6) Fernando Alonso (Ferrari)- 9/10

The first of the truly impressive set, good old Nando has been having it much the same way as he has the last few seasons- fantastic driver, but pretty terrible car. And it’s much the same this season, except for the car is a lot, lot worse.

Despite this, he’s still 5th in the standings, and even managed a podium at one point. He really has dragged the car to places it really does not deserve to be, and that shows just how good a driver he is.

Although, come Abu Dhabi, who knows if he’ll still be there.

5) Nico Rosberg (Mercedes)- 9/10

Now, it’s always hard to judge someone when they run away with the championship, as the two Merc drivers have this season, but you still have to, and this is my best shot.

Nico Rosberg could very well win the Formula 1 World Championship this season, and yet here he is, down in 5th place. Why? I hear you ask (Or not, doesn’t bother me).

It’s hard to put an explanation on it, but throughout the season he just seems to have not had an edge over either his teammate, or over the psychological pressure that has come with the title charge. When Hamilton has had bad fortune, he’s recovered well from it- and Rosberg has too, but just not as well. He just doesn’t seem to have had the edge.

But I still gave the man a 9. Take it and run.

4) Jenson Button (McLaren)- 9/10

This could very well be Jenson’s last season in Formula 1, and that would be through no fault of his own. In fact, if anyone deserves to stay in F1, it would be him.

Given a car that can be described as fucking terrible pretty awful, he’s managed to score double the amount of points as his teammate, and is the main reason that McLaren are actually occupying 5th place.

Results such as Silverstone, Russia and Brazil, along with Canada and a fantastic podium in Australia prove that he has in no way lost his talent.

McLaren would be making a mistake to let him go.

3) Valtteri Bottas (Williams)- 9.5/10

What a season it has been for the flying Finn. Defying all the odds in his second season, he has taken a competitive car right to the top (Well, almost). He may be 6th in the standings, but that does not paint the picture of how his second season in F1 has gone.

5 podiums, including 2 2nd place finishes have left him on 156 points, just 3 behind 4th place going into the double point extravaganza that is Abu Dhabi, and in doing so has eclipsed his far more experienced teammate.

Now just think what could be done if he was given a car capable of victory.

#BO77ASPOWER

2) Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)- 9.5/10

Much like Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton could very well walk away on Sunday as Formula 1 world champion. He could also very easily walk away, after suffering a catastrophic engine failure, not World Champion, quit F1, go to a life flipping burgers in McDonalds before becoming a hobo begging for money to buy crack. But let’s not try to be too depressing here.

Much of what I said for Nico Rosberg’s segment outlines what I think of LewLew this season- he just seems to have had an edge, even when things aren’t going quite so well. His recovery driving this season has been fantastic.

But it hasn’t been perfect, so ya not getting a 10 from me.

1) Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull)- 10/10

Its time to smile!

I will admit, I was a tad sceptical when Dan got the jump up to Red Bull, but it has been a fully vindicated decision and one which I have thoroughly enjoyed following over the course of the season.

I mean, he’s outclassed his 4 time World Champion teammate, scored 3 wins and been the only person to break the Mercedes dominance. Literally.

And, even when things haven’t been going his way, be it reliability or just the car has just been terrible, he’s still remained upbeat.

What a boss.

 

AND SO THAT IS IT!

The end of the driver ratings for season. From Ericsson to Ricciardo and everyone in between, its been one hell of a fun ride. And I’m sure it is a ride that will not be over, because Abu Dhabi is still to happen (Unless you read it after the event, in which case you can ignore everything).

As this is the end, a thank you to my babes The Veronicas, who not only have a new album out now but their music also gave me the motivation to actually write all of this, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would have given up the will to live. Especially their new song ‘Cold’- that song is incredible.

Also as I mentioned right at the start, the many YouTube videos by ‘person who shall not be named’ (I love to be mysterious) were also one of the factors that kept me going, and probably the reason for my really bad sense of humour for the first few drivers.

And, of course, I thank my incredible readers for actually bothering to read all of this. I don’t know why you put up with me, but thank you. All 3 of you. And I’m usually one of them.

Yeah.

 

 

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