Ummm, totally useless and meaningless F1 2014 driver ratings. Read. Now. (Those were Tom’s exact words- Chris)

22 Nov

Hello All!

I am Tom, Chris’s some-time blog partner and also bringer of chaos. I have been gone a while, but I am here with what I believe is my first solo blog, although I could be wrong. Again.

I shall introduce myself first; I am a film-maker, student and Linkin Park crazy guy. I am on twitter (@TomJiSung), but rarely on there, so check out my facebook instead https://www.facebook.com/tom.t.bennett

But enough of that riff raff. Onto the main reason I am writing. My own review of the drivers of F1 2014. If you can bring yourselves to do so, read on.

23) Andre Lotterer. 6/10.

I have place Lotterer last, simply because it is unfair to really elevate him further due to him not really getting the chance to prove himself in a race. But he did a bloody good job in his practice and qualifying sessions, kicking Ericsson’ ass.

Deserves another go, although I doubt we will see him again.

22) Marcus Ericsson. 1/10

Poor. I have not been impressed at all with him. He has really struggled for pace and has done absolutely nothing of note, and I see no other reason other than sponsorship money as to why he is moving to Sauber. But maybe he will prove me wrong. He has had a couple of races where he did out-pace Kobayashi, but in a more developed car, it’s not an equal match, so undoes that work. But apart from that, generally doesn’t deserve to be on the grid.

Let’s hope he can prove pretty much the whole F1 community wrong next season.

21) Esteban Gutierrez. 2/10

Anonymous. Has done nothing of note this season apart from get flipped by Maldonado in Bahrain. The only thing that stands out on him are his eyebrows, and mine are big too. Don’t know why I told you that. But he never deserved to be in F1, I said that to Chris last season and I have been justified for the second season in a row. I know the car was shit, but for a ‘very talented’ driver…well, he hasn’t shown it once. Only gets a 2 for beating Sutil on occasion.

20) Pastor Maldonado. 3/10

Well, it has been another season to forget for Maldonado. That’s 3 out of 4 seasons of his F1 career that were something to forget. Not going well really is it? I cannot remember a practice session he hasn’t crashed in. His overall pace is not great, and I know the car is shit, but Grosjean still put in some pretty good places. He even finished behind Chilton at one stage. Yeah.

Finally got some points in Austin. But that is the only highlight.

19) Max Chilton. 4/10

Well, he is no longer the slowest man in F1! Instead he is now the second slowest. Not great, but an improvement none the less. Now I like the man, he is a wonderful personality, a fun guy. But he is just not quick enough. In a season where the Marussia is faster than the Caterhams, he has been outdone by Kobayashi in a slower car in 6 out of the 8 races they both finished. That really isn’t good enough. But, credit where credit is due, he has improved on last season.

I forgive him for calling it a day in Austin, everyone has suffered badly from Bianchi’s injury, I can understand him pulling out. But apart from that, it has been a poor season again for the young Brit, and I think it is time to look at a different motorsport. I think he will do well in Indycar, or a form of Touring Car. But I like him and wish him luck, always want a fellow Brit to do well.

18) Adrian Sutil. 4/10.

It has not been a good season for Sutil. I like him, and I have often rooted for him. But he really should have scored at least 1 point this season. The car has been diabolical I will admit. But maybe he could have pushed a little harder? But that is harsh; I have no doubt it must be hard trying to keep yourself motivated in such a shit car. Austin was really unlucky. He finally showed what he has got, some fantastic pace, only to be cruelly taken out on the first lap. Luck isn’t Sutil’s best friend it seems.

Does he deserve another go at F1? I don’t know. It’s a 50/50. We shall let the motorsport Gods decide that one.

17) Romain Grosjean. 5/10.

How the Lotus has fallen. From a podium scorer to struggling to get into the points. I really feel sorry for Grosjean, because he deserves more. The car has been really unreliable this year. He has two fantastic results, 2 eighths in Spain and Monaco. But that’s as good as it got. Perhaps he has suffered a lack of motivation? Maybe he has found it tough to cope with such a drop in performance, but I have no doubt, if the Lotus improves next year, he will bounce back.

16) Kimi Raikkonen. 5/10.

The Iceman Cometh…No More. Is this the end of the Kimster? Not yet. But it has been a really poor season from the Finn. Truly outclassed by Alonso. Either, Kimi has been poor, or Alonso has been truly outstanding, because there is a gap between them no one expected. It has been a strange season. Kimi has not impressed, and 2015 may be his final chance to do so, and I am surprise he is being retained for next year.

It’s all very strange.

15) Jules Bianchi. 6/10.

I am truly saddened, like so many people, by his horrific crash. This should happen to no racing driver, but no one can be blamed. A horrible freak accident. I wish him all the best with his recovery.

I know he has been injured, but I shall be fair and rate him the same as every driver, I will not give a sympathy vote because I feel it unfair. Please do not feel I am in any way treating him badly.

For starters, what a bloody result! P9 in Monaco. What an achievement. Very memorable. I feel perhaps Kobayashi was more deserving of P9, and Bianchi was very aggressive in his overtaking and ruined Kamui’s race. I know this is motorsport, but I feel it was unnecessarily aggressive. But it was a great result anyway and he would have had points if he took out Kobayashi or not. I am really happy for him. Apart from that, it was the average Bianchi. Easily beating his teammate, beating the Caterhams, although they were slower, on a constant basis and pushing the teams in front. But apart from Monaco, there we no real stand out performances for me. But I take no credit from him, he is a fantastic racer, really very talented, and again, I hope he recovers well from his injury.

14) Sebastian Vettel. 6/10.

KARMA M*THAF*CKA!!! Seb has really struggled in a slower car, just as I predicted. He has constantly scored and got the occasional podium, but he has been truly outclassed by Ricciardo, and has decided to jump ship. Will Ferrari get him back to winning ways? We will have to wait and see. But I am happy to see him suffering in a slower car, he deserves it after his treatment of Mark Webber.

13) Daniil Kvyat. 6/10.

It’s hard to analyse Kvyat. He had a great start to the season. But then he faded badly, especially after the announcement he is going to Red Bull. Is it too soon to call him up? Personally I think so, but I expect he will prove me wrong. But from someone jumping from GP3 to F1, a generally solid job.

12) Kevin Magnussen. 6/10.

Another so-so. Great first race. After that, average at best. It cannot be easy living up to the hype McLaren surrounded him in, but he hasn’t really impressed me. A solid debut, but I am not sure he is a future winner or Champion. I think he will thrive in a mid-grid team. But I leave my judgement open and will see how he improves if he gets a second season. It is always hard judging rookies.

11) Kamui Kobayashi. 7/10.

The fan-favourite returned!!! Kamui made his return with a Caterham team who were confident of having a good season. How wrong they were. Kamui has done a very very good job though, constantly and easily outdoing his teammate and also Max Chilton in the faster Marussia, even beating Gutierrez on a couple of occasions. Despite the teams struggles, Kamui gave his all and showed his talent again. Let’s hope he gets the top drive he really deserves.

10) Sergio Perez. 7/10.

He has done a solid job to rebuild his damaged reputation from his time at McLaren. Had a sublime drive to P3 in Bahrain. Has scored good points, but has been comprehensively beaten by Hulkenberg. But strongly deserves a second season at Force India.

9) Jean-Eric Vergne. 7/10.

Hmmmm. This is a damn tough one. Had a good start to the season with P8, but suffered some bad luck when Kvyat was going strong, making him look bad. Kvyat then got the Red Bull drive, which was like a kick in the balls to the Frenchman, who had kept Ricciardo honest for their two seasons together. After Red Bull announced Kvyat would take Vettel’ seat, Kvyat struggled, whilst Vergne did a superb job, with a fantastic 6th place in Singapore.

Have Red Bull made the wrong decision? Possibly, we will have to wait and see. Personally, I think Vergne should have got the drive, at least for a season. I only hope he gets a seat for 2015, because it will be sad to see him go.

8) Jenson Button. 7/10.

P3 down under. That is as good as it has got. But the veteran racer has had some really strong races alongside some less good ones. He has taken the McLaren to above average positions, including four 4th places. Has perhaps suffered a lack of motivation due to the driver market and the rumours over his future. However, as he always has done, he has continued to drive his fireproof socks off. I hope McLaren make the right choice and keep him on.

7) Felipe Massa. 7/10.

Another class driver who has kept his foot down. He has had some horrific bad luck, and he hasn’t been as quick as Bottas, but he has had some brilliant drives, especially to come back in Brazil to take the final step on the podium. Always giving 100% and has shown he still has what it takes to fight at the top. The only driver to break the Mercedes pole domination too. That’s a bloody good achievement too.

6) Nico Hulkenberg. 8/10.

I just don’t understand. This guy is one of the best talents to make the grid in recent years and always take a car above and beyond its limits. Yet he is constantly stuck in the mid-grid. When will someone have some sense to hire him? An epic run of 10 point scoring positions, including four 5th place finishes. This guy still has what it takes to be a champion. But first he will need the car. And time is running out.

5) Fernando Alonso. 8/10.

In my opinion, the most talented driver on the grid. His effort is flawless, and he rarely, in fact, almost never makes a mistake. I cannot name a driver who can push 110% every lap of every race and not make a mistake. Has been a really poor season for Ferrari, yet he has still taken two podium positions, so if I was wearing a hat, I would take my hat off to him. It will be interesting to see where he ends up next season.

4) Valtteri Bottas. 9/10.

Wow! This guy has been truly stunning, I have to admit I never saw this coming. He has taken 5 podiums this year, a superb result for the Finn only in his second year in F1. In Germany, he beat one of the Mercedes in an outright fight. That….well I am speechless. This man is one to watch. He is going places.

3) Lewis Hamilton. 9/10.

He has won 10 races so far, and has done a brilliant job. You may ask why he isn’t number one as a result. But he has done exactly what we expected him to do if he was in such a dominant car. Will he win the title? Well we will find out. But whether he does or not, he has done a lovely job this year, a season to be proud of. Good job man.

2) Nico Rosberg. 9/10.

This may baffle a few people. But I have chosen Rosberg to go ahead of Hamilton because I think he has done better than people have expected. He has beaten Hamilton well on several occasions and has annihilated him in qualifying, taking pole position king for the year. Can he win the title? I think so. He has taken pole and is stronger mentally than Hamilton. Rosberg can win the race, but then it depends where Hamilton can finish. It’s gunna be fun. If I am honest, I would like to see Rosberg win, as he is really talented, has had a tougher time than Hamilton rising through the F1 teams, has proven many people wrong and is overall a really nice guy, which Hamilton isn’t all the time.

Expect a frantic final race. Let us hope reliability doesn’t ruin it for us.

1) Daniel Ricciardo. 10/10.

This guy has been a revelation this season. He has wiped the floor with a four time world champ, and has won 3 races- the only driver to break the Mercedes dominance this year. Ricciardo can easily be a world champion in the future, and has been the only driver to really push the Mercedes duo and give them cause for concern. Ultimately, the car is not quick enough for the title this year, but if it returns to the front like 2010-13, expect this guy to be leading the pack into turn one and at the finish line.

Well, I hope you found my ratings mildly interesting. You don’t have to agree with me, but these are my thoughts.

I will try to do some more blogs, and in just over 3 weeks me and Chris will be reunited from our respective universities for Christmas, so expect us to be teaming up again!

Until then,

Toodlepop.

THE BIG EVENT! (2014 Formula 1 Season Ratings)

20 Nov

Because it is season end time in Formula One, that means that it is time to do the annual ratings, which will be great fun because I get to be sarcastic and get complete control over where everyone goes. Yay.

Unfortunately, i’m extraordinarily tired at the moment, plus I have like 3 exams tomorrow, and i’m being fueled on a combination of Haribo and very funny Youtube videos by someone i’m not going to name because I don’t want everyone knowing i’ve spent all my free time today (When i’m not revising, eating or complaining to my flatmates) watching their Youtube videos.

Dammit.

Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling on. Let’s get down to business shall we? For purposes of keeping the best ’til last, the ratings shall be done in reverse order! I can already hear you all cheering in delight.

23) Marcus Ericsson (Caterham)- 2/10

Well, I guess someone has to come last. Unfortunately on this occasion it just so happens to be the super Swede (Sorry Katy). I have to say I haven’t been the most impressed with him over the season, although in the past few races he has managed to get this ass into gear and put in some decent performances.

And the best part is that he has a drive next year, so that gives him the chance to prove me wrong. I mean, Pastor managed to shake off being the worst performer from last season (Actually I think it was Heikki Kovalainen who I gave -2, but he doesn’t really count)

22) Adrian Sutil (Sauber)- 3/10

Maybe I should have just put Sutil last? He’s hardly been impressive either, especially for someone who needed to prove that he deserved to stay within Formula 1.

Yeah, fair enough he’s been outclassing Esteban Gutierrez for pretty much the entirety of the season, but really that’s something that he should be doing anyway, regardless. As bad as Sauber have been this season, he should really still be scoring points. At least 1. Is that too much to ask?

21) Esteban Gutierrez (Sauber)- 4/10

I think, in one of the few blog posts I made before the season started, I said that Sauber were going to struggle- not necessarily because of the car, but because of the drivers.

Well for once it looks like I was right! I’m never right. We must have stepped into a parallel universe or something.

I dont’ really need to say much else, most of what was said to Sutil applies, although Guti is higher because he was slightly better at not being as bad compared to Sutil as he should have been, if that makes sense.

It doesn’t make sense, does it?

20) Max Chilton (Marussia)- 5/10

Well, at least he’s not last all the time this season. That makes him slightly less shit than he was last time I wrote an end of season analysis.

In all fairness though, it has been a step up from last season. The performances have been better, the qualifying has been better. It was always going to be difficult to recover from his form last season, but he’s made a half decent account of himself, albeit in the slightly-faster-than-Caterham-on-some-occasions Marussia.

And he’s still 2nd last in the Championship.

19) Pastor Maldonado (Lotus)- 5.5/10

Well isn’t this a surprise eh? The fact Lotus are my 2nd favourite team has nothing to do with this.

I mean, let’s list off the variables:
+He has 2 points this season, in a car that isn’t really much better than the Sauber. That’s more points than last season anyway.
+He hasn’t killed anyone
+In his worst non-retirement finish of the season, he still managed to finish ahead of Marcus Ericsson.
– May have kinda rolled Esteban Gutierrez in Bahrain
-Rather expensive in terms of how many replacement parts you need for him
+Has that $$$$$$
-It took him until Austin to score. Even then there were only 18 cars on the grid. Lightweight.

So yeah, 19th seems reasonable.

18) Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari)- 5.5/10

I think 5.5 may be a bit generous actually, but I couldn’t face putting him below Maldonado because then things would just start getting weird.

I mean, the Ferrari hasn’t been great this season granted. Infact it’s been awful. That’s not an excuse.

Fernando Alonso is 5th. Kimi Räikkönen is 11th.

Get your act together man. At least he’s been consistent I guess- he has been scoring points on regular occasions, it’s just they’re never the greatest points haul you’re ever going to see. And he has no enthusiasm for the sport either, even for him, and that’s just no fun at all.

17) Daniil Kvyat (Toro Rosso)- 6/10

The golden boy, on the way up, having been given a drive by Red Bull and everything…

He has 8 points. That’s the same as Romain Grosjean.

I mean, he hasn’t be terrible by any means, especially as it’s his forst season in F1 after stepping up from GP3, but 8 points isn’t an impressive haul at all. His highest finishing position this season has been 9th.

Even Maldonado managed that.

16) Heikki Kovalainen (Uh, Nobody)- lolwat/10

Heikki lotus

 

I love Heikki Kovalainen. Deal with it.

15) Jules Bianchi (Marussia)- 7/10

The first of the ‘above average’ drivers (15/22 drivers are above average…. Yeah….). Now, obviously, we all know the situation with Jules, and for once in my life I will try to be sensitive.

I think, personally, that a 7 is a good score- he performed well (Better than Chilton by any means), scored Marussia’s first ever points in a hectic Monaco and is currently out-placing both Sauber drivers in the championship- and that’s no mean feat.

But, alas, 5 drivers scored a rating of 7, and one of them has to come last. We’re getting into the business end now.

14) Sergio Perez (Force India)- 7/10

Now I even surprised myself with this one, because I don’t actually like Sergio that much, the arrogant, hypocritical, reckless Mexican that he is, but he hasn’t actually done that bad this season. I mean, he could have done better, hence why he’s only 14th, but scoring a podium and being only 6 points behind a Ferrari in the Championship isn’t really that bad.

Although, that said, he did punt Adrian Sutil out of the USGP for no good reason, so that sucks.

13) Kevin Magnussen (McLaren)- 7/10

Today is a new day! (I wrote the previous set of people at near enough 1am last night, don’t judge). And with it comes unlucky 13 in our ratings, McLaren’s Kevin Magnussen.

I’m almost sad to put him thins far down. It all started so well with 2nd in Australia, but since then it’s all been a bit meh from the young Dane. Out-placing teammate Jenson Button in just 3 races (When DNF finishes aren’t taken into account), it really hasn’t been the debut season K-Mag would have hoped for, especially as Button has twice the number of points he has. I know he’s a rookie, and by all means he has been consistent and driven well over large parts of the season.

But he just hasn’t driven well enough.

12) Kamui Kobayashi (Caterham)- 7/10

Sticking to the mob of 7/10 drivers, next on the list is Kamikaze bandit Kamui Kobayashi, who has taken this year’s Caterham and literally driven the wheels, and every other part of the car for that matter, off of it. Despite sitting last in the Driver’s championship (And you all know what I think of how they structure those who have 0 points), KK has really been the better of the Caterham drivers. I mean, out of all the races (DNF not included), Kobayashi has only been out-placed twice by his teammate. One of those was Monaco, where he was running near the points until he got ungracefully barged past. *Narrows eyes*

11) Romain Grosjean (Lotus)- 7/10

So we have reached the last of the 7/10 brigade! And highest on that list, and just missing out on the top 10, is French-Swiss-Frenchman Romain Grosjean, who has scored 80% of his team’s points this season, the second highest percentage on the grid (Behind Marussia, who have Jules Bianchi on 100%). I mean, yeah, his teammate was Pastor Maldonado, but then Adrian Sutil’s teammate was Esteban Gutierrez and he’s still scored fuck all.

In a Lotus that has been pretty terrible, RoGro has managed to get it into 8th on 2 occasions, and almost scored points again in the US, but his steering column decided it didn’t want to work properly. I’m sure being driven into didn’t help with that either.

He also has the same number of points as Daniil Kvyat, who’ll be driving a Red Bull next year. Work that one out.

10) Jean-Eric Vergne (Toro Rosso)- 7.5/10

THE TOP 10 IS HERE!

And we start with Jean-Eric Vergne, who for some reason finds himself uncertain as to whether he will have a seat next year, whilst his teammate gets a promotion into the parent team at the front of the grid, despite the fact JEV has scored 14 more points, plus scored a 6th place in Singapore, something Kvyat can’t even come close to claiming. Vergne was probably fairly unlucky to not get into Red Bull last season, so to be overlooked again is really quite harsh.

He deserves better than that.

9) Felipe Massa (Williams)- 7.5/10

Williams have shown a rel improvement this season, going from backmarker to real frontrunner- and to help with the charge, former Ferrari yes man Felipe Massa was brought in, but unfortunately this season hasn’t gone exactly according to plan, a combination of really bad luck and a few other questionable bad moments have left Fellipe 8th in the standings, whilst teammate Valtteri Bottas, in just his 2nd season in F1, is currently 58 points ahead of him in 6th.

It’s not that Felipe doesn’t have the talent, because there’s plenty of it there- podiums in Italy and home race Brazil can account for that. He just doesn’t have the luck on his side. Nevertheless, it has been a solid season considering it’s his first at Williams, and I have total faith that he can go better, car pending, next season

8) Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)- 7.5/10

Much like Felipe, Vettel hasn’t had the best of seasons in comparison to his teammmate- Seb sits 54 points behind teammate Daniel Ricciardo, but, unlike Felipe, Sebby has made the best of a bad situation:
>He doesn’t like the car
>The car doesn’t like
>He has a super competitive teammate beating him left, right and centre
>He’s got his big bright future at Ferrari to worry about
Yet he’s still 4th in the Championship, having attained 4 podiums, and having scored in every race that he’s finished.

Now that’s not bad at all.

7) Nico Hülkenberg (Force India)- 8/10

I think it’s fair to say Force India have been impressive this season. Even though the usual tail off towards the end of the season is still here, it’s happened a lot later than usual and as such has allowed Nico to shine, as he usually does anyway. 9th in the Championship is no mean feat, and along the way he even managed a run of 10 consecutive points finishes from Australia to Germany, and has only not scored on 4 occasions.

He’s been consistently faster than teammate Sergio Perez, not that it’s much of a surprise to anyone, and has really dragged Force India into the fight for 5th with McLaren, a team with significantly more money and resources.

Well in Nico.

6) Fernando Alonso (Ferrari)- 9/10

The first of the truly impressive set, good old Nando has been having it much the same way as he has the last few seasons- fantastic driver, but pretty terrible car. And it’s much the same this season, except for the car is a lot, lot worse.

Despite this, he’s still 5th in the standings, and even managed a podium at one point. He really has dragged the car to places it really does not deserve to be, and that shows just how good a driver he is.

Although, come Abu Dhabi, who knows if he’ll still be there.

5) Nico Rosberg (Mercedes)- 9/10

Now, it’s always hard to judge someone when they run away with the championship, as the two Merc drivers have this season, but you still have to, and this is my best shot.

Nico Rosberg could very well win the Formula 1 World Championship this season, and yet here he is, down in 5th place. Why? I hear you ask (Or not, doesn’t bother me).

It’s hard to put an explanation on it, but throughout the season he just seems to have not had an edge over either his teammate, or over the psychological pressure that has come with the title charge. When Hamilton has had bad fortune, he’s recovered well from it- and Rosberg has too, but just not as well. He just doesn’t seem to have had the edge.

But I still gave the man a 9. Take it and run.

4) Jenson Button (McLaren)- 9/10

This could very well be Jenson’s last season in Formula 1, and that would be through no fault of his own. In fact, if anyone deserves to stay in F1, it would be him.

Given a car that can be described as fucking terrible pretty awful, he’s managed to score double the amount of points as his teammate, and is the main reason that McLaren are actually occupying 5th place.

Results such as Silverstone, Russia and Brazil, along with Canada and a fantastic podium in Australia prove that he has in no way lost his talent.

McLaren would be making a mistake to let him go.

3) Valtteri Bottas (Williams)- 9.5/10

What a season it has been for the flying Finn. Defying all the odds in his second season, he has taken a competitive car right to the top (Well, almost). He may be 6th in the standings, but that does not paint the picture of how his second season in F1 has gone.

5 podiums, including 2 2nd place finishes have left him on 156 points, just 3 behind 4th place going into the double point extravaganza that is Abu Dhabi, and in doing so has eclipsed his far more experienced teammate.

Now just think what could be done if he was given a car capable of victory.

#BO77ASPOWER

2) Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)- 9.5/10

Much like Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton could very well walk away on Sunday as Formula 1 world champion. He could also very easily walk away, after suffering a catastrophic engine failure, not World Champion, quit F1, go to a life flipping burgers in McDonalds before becoming a hobo begging for money to buy crack. But let’s not try to be too depressing here.

Much of what I said for Nico Rosberg’s segment outlines what I think of LewLew this season- he just seems to have had an edge, even when things aren’t going quite so well. His recovery driving this season has been fantastic.

But it hasn’t been perfect, so ya not getting a 10 from me.

1) Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull)- 10/10

Its time to smile!

I will admit, I was a tad sceptical when Dan got the jump up to Red Bull, but it has been a fully vindicated decision and one which I have thoroughly enjoyed following over the course of the season.

I mean, he’s outclassed his 4 time World Champion teammate, scored 3 wins and been the only person to break the Mercedes dominance. Literally.

And, even when things haven’t been going his way, be it reliability or just the car has just been terrible, he’s still remained upbeat.

What a boss.

 

AND SO THAT IS IT!

The end of the driver ratings for season. From Ericsson to Ricciardo and everyone in between, its been one hell of a fun ride. And I’m sure it is a ride that will not be over, because Abu Dhabi is still to happen (Unless you read it after the event, in which case you can ignore everything).

As this is the end, a thank you to my babes The Veronicas, who not only have a new album out now but their music also gave me the motivation to actually write all of this, otherwise I’m pretty sure I would have given up the will to live. Especially their new song ‘Cold’- that song is incredible.

Also as I mentioned right at the start, the many YouTube videos by ‘person who shall not be named’ (I love to be mysterious) were also one of the factors that kept me going, and probably the reason for my really bad sense of humour for the first few drivers.

And, of course, I thank my incredible readers for actually bothering to read all of this. I don’t know why you put up with me, but thank you. All 3 of you. And I’m usually one of them.

Yeah.

 

 

The Damned Shall Rise Again PtII

19 Nov

OK so that looks really creepy, I hope I haven’t freaked you out. Much.

Basically, it’s been 5 months since I posted anything on here, after posting that i’d be posting more things on here.

If you’re going to take anything from that, it’s that i’m really, really bad at keeping my word on things.

But, fear not, there shall be a flurry of activity sometime in the near future.

Or at least that’s the plan. Read line 3 again.

And with that, I shall see you soon… Over and Out

H-KOV

The Damned Shall Rise Again

19 Nov

Crab

Luis Suarez Likes Biting People

26 Jun

As everyone on planet Earth, Mars, Jupiter, The Outer Systems, Coruscant and even Kepler 22b have heard, the world’s favourite cannibal, Luis Suarez, has been at it again, this time deciding to take a nibble out of Italy’s defender Giorgio Chiellini. Unfortunately for Chiellini, it hurt. Unfrotunately for Suarez, he didn’t get to finish his meal.

You can see where this is going.

In terms of punishment, FIFA (Who have less of a backbone than a sea slug) decided to give him a 4 month total ban from football, which can include anything from turning up to a stadium, having a kick about in his garden (If he has a garden) or even playing FIFA 14 on his massive TV, plus a 9 game international match suspension and having to pay an insignificant amount of money which for some reason they decided should be paid in Swiss Francs. Weirdos.

Personally I would have given a much harsher punishment. Lifetime International ban, 6 months total ban with 3 months unpaid would be a good start, but then i’d probably also throw in another set of punishments, such as a weekly arctic assault course, being forced to be hit by paintballs at close range whilst searing nothing but his socks and being thrown into a tank of piranhas to see how he likes becoming human fish food.

Something tells me FIFA aren’t going to listen to my suggestions, no matter how much I harass them.

As for what else i’ve been doing today, it’s mainly consisted of getting angry at my Xbox and trying not to hit everything in sight whilst I drive aimlessly through Staple Hill.

I’ll leave you with this picture of Arsene Wenger on a Brazilian beach with a rather nice looking woman who has a strange yet alluring tattoo on her leg. Lucky sod.

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NEON

23 Jun

If you hadn’t gathered by my last blog post, I have have a kinda obsession with VERSA and Sierra Kusterbeck…

And now we have a new music video! Life could not be better. (And the video itself is pretty damn awesome)

NEON

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If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, it’s because i’m still watching this on repeat.
C

 

Start Of A New Era (Returns, F1 Ratings, Partners in Crime, Sierra Kusterbeck. More Sierra Kusterbeck)

23 Jun

So i’m alive. At least, I think I am, my exams got very close but couldn’t quite finish me off, so here I am.

I’ve got 3 months off now, so i’m going to break into re-writing here slowly enough, and pick up momentum later. I have nothing better to do, so why not? I can’t promise there’ll be many changes around here, although i’m pretty sure Tom has either been abducted by aliens or given a mind control drug because i’m pretty sure he’s completely forgotten this place exists. I’ll try and figure it out by next time.

First thing is first, I have to really catch up on putting the race ratings down on here. I mean, we’ve just had Austria, and I think China was as far as I got before giving up last time around, so that i’ll do sometime tomorrow evening, one race at a time (Don’t want to cram everything into one article)

Now, anything i’ve forgotten?………….. Ah yes:

NEW VERSA VIDEO TONIGHT. VERSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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I apologise for absolutely nothing. I also own absolutely none of those photos.

Sierra Kusterbeck is literally perfect

Until next time,
Stay Evil. C (I like that sign off. I think i’m going to sign off everything with a C now)

*Note* If nobody reads this incandescent set of ramblings and photo-spamming then i’ll be severely dissapointed, it was too much fun for nobody to appreciate

*Note* Yes, I do acknowledge the fact that if nobody reads this article then nobody will read the first note. Or this one. I’ll stop now.